What I See In You
by Silverpine
Summary: And then all that has happened, everything you ever did for me... You were always watching, weren't you?
1. Conscious

I never really gave Kraden much thought. Even after our group and Felix's joined up, he never truly entered a position of importance. I presented my best manners around him, watching out for him while we traveled, and saw to it that his existence was comfortable. He did not even ask many favors out of me. Kraden was not a thorn in my side, but he did not force himself into my life. Now that I think about it, his role was like that of a tree, natural and always reliably there. He was gentle, never rubbing anyone the wrong way with his ideas, and answered my occasional question with a smile. Likewise, his dent in my life was small, but always present.

The rest of us regarded Kraden the same way I have; they just did not worry about his well being as I do. There were exceptions. Jenna, Sheba, and Piers gave plenty a kind word, a sweet smile. Too many times, I think, they asked him about his well-being. His age made him look frail in their eyes, except to Piers. However, Piers never was a warm character. "Like Felix," Jenna said sighed more than once, "he doesn't express himself much." Sheba had several conversations with Kraden, for their similarities and his kindness were attractive qualities. Those dimmed down afterwards into brief awkward moments between the two, so she instead turned to Jenna, her adopted sister. I know that she had no cruel intentions, but we noticed that Kraden grew more and more silent as time went on.

I finally started to really notice him after he came down with a cold, and confined himself in his room to recover. That day was not the same... His absence threw me off so much that when I glanced backward to gauge Kraden's vulnerability (he kept his distance, but was always a target), seabirds began surrounded me, attacking me; I tried fending them all off with my powers, but they found holes in my defenses. The birds were everywhere, screaming and jabbing at my body, never stopping. I felt something else too - like a sharp sting from my arm that spread throughout my entire being. The confusion further heightened my anxiety, and when I started believing that this would never end, they suddenly left me alone to the overwhelming pain. That was when everything turned dark.

The first I knew when I woke up was the pain. Each jab those birds left on my body stung sharply. That definately hurt, but... My whole body felt as if I got trampled by horses. It must have been the poison of the Man o' War. Well, knowing what did the damage did not make it less painful for me.

How long was I out this time? Minutes? Hours? I turned my stiff head around with moderate difficulty. No one else was here, but a stool stood next to the foot of my bed. The faint press of bed sheets kept me warm, but the cold North Sea air stung my face, bringing a grimace. Hello reality.

Lying there, shivering, my guilt consumed my thoughts, figuring that my overall performance on the battlefield was shameful. Even in the beginning, my attempts at battle were in need of a serious reform. I became less of a fighter than a supporter of the team later on, using my powers to scout for danger and blowing away enemies with my wind powers. I knew, despite what I was doing, my efforts were not that memorable. I even messed up trying to be useful! Everyone knows this. Isaac, Garet, and Mia were not as miffed as Felix and his friends were, for they knew me and understood. Everyone else... They brushed me aside, more than once, when a fight was brewing. I never protested against this. Not once have I told them what I truly felt about my treatment; if I were brought back into more battles, maybe even Isaac, Garet, and Mia would... And, today presented a wonderful opportunity for me, to finally be useful! It was only Felix, Garet, and me up on the deck, and if I wasn't distracted...

An onslaught of frustrated tears slipped down my nose, soaking through my pillow. They were cold tears, furthering my misery.

A soft knock on my door brought me back to my senses. Fearing that my tears will be discovered, I hurriedly wiped them away to the best of my ability; the evidence still marked itself with my puffy eyes. Traitorous tears however slipped through, and I painfully turned away from the door to hide my face. The door swung open slowly, making sure to not make any more noise than necessary. A cough was all it took for me to know who it was. That somehow made me even more uncomfortable.

"Kraden." My voice struggled to hold back the tears, and it trembled softly.

"Hello Ivan," I heard the note of concern in his quiet voice, "How are you feeling?" He was still recovering from that bothersome cold, and he came to ask how _I'm_ feeling? With how cold today is, he should be in bed. Why is he doing this? A mixture of concern and irritation threatened more tears, and I fought back the urge to cry out loud. I could not say anything.

Kraden did not question my silence. I heard him walk towards my bed, and sit down on the convenient stool. Dully, I wondered who left it there last. As he sat down, his bones groaned in protest. He still said nothing. Another cough. He made no motion to turn me over, and confront me head-on. All he did was sit with me.

A minute passed. Still, we said nothing. I felt compelled to say something, to break up the silence. But before I could, Kraden sighed softly.

"I heard the battle up on deck. I always get nervous every time you young ones start fighting. When I heard you start screaming, that nearly knocked years off my life." He wheezed jarringly, trying to get his breathing in the right rhythm.

So it was not the birds that were screaming... And he heard the battle...

"How... How long was I...?" I managed. I truly wanted to know. My voice was barely a whisper as I ended my sentence.

He paused, probably gathering his thoughts. "Two hours."

Two hours. A strange relief washed over me. It was not as long as my other fainting spells. I still have a chance at redemption. Maybe if I go speak with Felix, and explain why I let myself get attacked like that...

I winced as I got myself to sit up. That was a bad idea. I felt so dizzy. I let myself fall back onto my pillow, closing my eyes and letting out a slightly frustrated sigh. Looks like I would not be walking around anytime soon. I welcomed the chill of the frozen tears on my pillow; it soothed my throbbing head. The crying from before left me even more exhausted. My heart pounded uncomfortably against my chest.

Kraden moved the sheets up, and the idea of taking a nap was very attractive. "Just keep resting up, son. There is no hurry." I wanted to take his advice to heart, but a dying part of me wanted to get up.

"But... gotta... tell Felix..." I mumbled. It was almost incoherent, but as far as I knew, I did not care. Before I sunk into a deep slumber, I felt a handkerchief softly wiping the tears away. "You've done more than enough."


	2. Understanding

**Ah... I did not add one of these in the first chapter. That won't happen again.**

**Welcome to my first ever fanfic... And I do mean_ first_. Never before have I attempted to pay homage to the Golden Sun story (or any story for that matter) with such fervor. Before, I have not been involved in the GS community, but I followed the developments with peaked interest. I created my own philosophies through observation, and I feel mature enough to pursue the ideal story more than when I was a wee 12 year old girl. Back then, I merely watched the acts.**

**I grew tired of lurking, finally, after all those years. I wanted to create something, even if it is pitiful and weak. The writing I present to you all is bland, and the dialogue is shallow and stilted (in the rare instances that you _see_ dialogue). I'm not used to writing a plot with its language and storytelling, with my experience of writing and editing articles for my school newspaper. I will grow more used to storytelling, slowly but surely.  
**

**What makes up the build of this story is Ivan's thoughts and emotions, along with his interactions and musings on Kraden. I also noticed that this site does not have any stories which focus on Kraden in a serious manner. So, I simply started with that. And there you have it.**

**... I'm scared to look at the reviews. **

**But enough with the babbling, and on with the journey.  
**

* * *

The next day, it was my turn to cook for the group. I was truly grateful for the task. This was the time when I was privileged to have time alone, to let my thoughts wander freely without distractions. To have time like this is truly a blessing. For tonight, I decided to make Isaac's favorite chicken soup. It was rather simple to make, so I would not have to put too much thought into it. Plus, I knew it would put him in a good mood. While my hands worked, my mind settled on Kraden.

For the first time, Kraden forced his very presence into the back of my mind; I noticed him more and more now. Today, he stood at the side of the ship deck, gazing across the vast expanse of ocean. The cold air did not deter him, even when he just recovered from a shaky cold. Whatever he thought about gave him that... pensive aura. I of course kept an eye on him - frozen patches of ice have proved hazardous (Garet can prove this), and the monsters seemed to be more aggressive out in this harsh environment. However detached he was from reality, nothing dangerous appeared, leaving me to study how he seemed to become one with the ocean and sky.

It was like watching a painting at work, almost. A sad, sad painting.

He was compelling to me, and not even a lack of concern for his safety will distance me now. I wanted to know why he felt such sorrow, and help him, but being the coward I am, I said nothing.

"Speaking of being cowardly..." I smiled to myself. A faint swear reached my ears. Garet was just outside the kitchen door, peering through the door window. I looked at him. He cocked his eyebrow, and entered. The kitchen did not offer much space, so he stood next to me, studying my preparations. That boy just keeps on growing, and growing...

"Isaac's soup?" He didn't sound incredulous - just curious. "Why choose that to make?" I was slightly miffed at the question, but I like Garet. He's too easy to forgive.

"Just wanted to give my friends the benefit of cuisine dining." Isaac would agree with me.

"Oh."

I expected him to say more, but he was strangely silent for being in a kitchen. I grew a little edgy. Something's up.

"Garet, what are you really here for?" Someone must have asked him to tell me something, for he is never this dodgy. Not the Garet I know.

"... Felix wanted to talk to you. After dinner though."

A small seed of worry and fear took root, but I continued to work on the soup with slightly trembling hands. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I actually put off talking to Felix about my reason for failing in battle, and he must be wanting to discuss this with me. I knew I should not make assumptions, but what else would he want to talk to me about? What dinner tasted like?

Garet seemed to know that I was in distress. He ruffled my hair reassuringly, and smiled his trademark sunny grin. "He's willing to listen to you, Ivan. He always has."

I looked up at him, confused. What did he mean by that? Before I could say anything, he left the kitchen, still smiling. I know he's not that bright, but he seems to know what he's talking about. I guess I can trust Garet, and know that Felix isn't going to ignore what I want to say. It's not as if... he doesn't like me. We get along well enough. When it comes to me and battling with him however... I felt uneasy about the conversation we're going to have. After we finish dinner, huh?

* * *

The soup is _finally_ finished. The big pot was full to the brim, definitely enough to leave leftovers. We might even have enough to last another day. I began to fill up a smaller, less heavier pot to bring to the table when a piercing shriek literally made my heart stop.

A thousand different scenarios raced through my mind, none of them positive. Dinner can wait. I immediately dropped the ladle and rushed out of the kitchen as the screaming continued. I recognized the voice as Jenna's. A surprise monster attack must have occurred; they were suspiciously quiet all day. My feelings confirmed my fears.

As I turned a corner, I saw Isaac run to Jenna's aid as well - his expression looked grim. He glanced at me briefly, then continued running. Where is everyone else?

Isaac was already set for combat as he opened the door to the ship deck, ready to dish out his fury amongst our enemies. I grabbed my staff, at it's usual place nearby the door. The chill of the evening arctic air made me shiver, but when I turned to follow Isaac, what I witnessed made me freeze.

Kraden is hurt. His frame lay frighteningly still on the floor... Jenna and him were surrounded on all sides by seabirds, man o' wars, and gillmans. Jenna, even with her fire psynergy, could not fight every single one of them. She lashed out with her staff as the mob closed in. Isaac wasted no time in aiding her, while I still stood by the doorway, frozen by my own shock.

_The monsters... While I was not there to guard him..._

I felt everyone else push past me in an effort to save our friends. Nothing was real to me; only Kraden's lifeless form had any meaning. I've never before witnessed someone I considered a friend, die. The last person to pass me was Felix. He did not pass me like the others did; he entered my line of vision, grabbed me by the shoulders, and shook me.

"Ivan! Get a grip on yourself! Be useful!" His eyes forced their way into my own, and I stared at him, stunned back into the situation. I nodded once, gripped my staff, and followed Felix as he let go of me and ran into the fray. He was right. I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes.

I could not sit back here and let these monsters hurt anymore of my friends.

_Every little thing Kraden ever did for us... For me..._

I did not hold back. Standing over Kraden's still form, I fended off our attackers with a fury, pursuing justice. Seagulls covered the darkening sky above, but I was focused this time. All my strength and willpower went to forming angry whirlwinds that tossed our enemies around like they were leaves in a winter storm. My friends got out of the way, sometimes barely; whirlwinds and stray bolts of lightning were dished out in quick succession. The temperature dropped with all the whirlwinds I created, but I did not notice. Some poisonous ink managed to get through my barrage, getting onto my left leg and torso, but I did not care.

_I want to blow away all those monsters, all our troubles. Far away.  
_

The last of the monsters were being dealt with by Felix and Jenna. Mia ran over to Kraden and me. Isaac and the others hurried over as well, wanting to hear of Kraden's condition. Battle scarred and weary, their fear showed in their eyes and expressions. They gathered around, helpless.

I did not move. The pain was unbearable. I will not turn around and look...

"He's breathing, albeit barely," Mia was already administering her ply to Kraden's injuries, "We'll have to move him out from the cold right away."

Garet made a motion to pick him up, brushing past me. Kraden was quickly moved inside, followed behind by everyone else, except Isaac, Felix, and me. The mood was considerably lighter, but something felt wrong. Their eyes were on me.

My heart sung at the happy news, but it wouldn't stop beating so fast. I was lighter than air... Everything was so, so cold. The poison was doing its work; I couldn't feel my legs I said nothing.

"Ivan? Kraden's going to be okay now... Can you hear me?" Felix's voice was so far away, it barely registered in my mind.

I felt Isaac catch me before I hit the floor. He held me steady, but my mind was reeling. All of this was too familiar. The darkness flooded over my eyes, but I tried fighting it off. I let out a scream, but all I could manage was a weak whine. Everything hurt...

Suddenly, I felt at peace.

_Everything is going to be alright now._


	3. Connection

**I've learned alot while writing this, regardless of the amount of time I spent on this story (but I'm trying to take my time on my stories, instead of just two weak days of review). The story isn't a part of this... I learned that to struggle and not give into your feelings of self-doubt and fear, for something you want to achieve, is a beneficial thing. No one will ever get a story perfect - I understand that the plot sucks - and I won't be a person that would, for the first time, meet the standards of literary perfection. But, I wanna achieve a state where I can say, "I will write a story for you and me to enjoy together. There is something wonderful to discover, and I want to help you uncover the naked truth."**

**... I felt like I had to say it. **

**I'm taking my time writing this chapter. It's an important chapter for Ivan and Felix... Their talk, remember? Kraden has a full chapter dedicated to him and Ivan next (Mr. K more prominent of course). So... Let's fly.  
**

**(Ugh. I guess people could say that there is a small hint of Ivan/Felix in here. That was not intended AT ALL. In fact, I just wanted a one-shot, with the interaction with Ivan and Kraden only. Hah... I wonder why Felix is another prominent character in this story... I think I have an idea, but I'm still amazed by it. Maybe it's psychological...? I notice that the characters that people relate to, or feel strongly about, appear in their stories in an important way. I guess for many of them, it's natural.)**

* * *

The chaos finally melted down, and life turned back to normal. As normal as it could get around here, I guess. I healed fast - my body built a stronger defense against the poison since my last encounter. Of course, that did not mean that I went in, got healed, and whistled my merry way out. Poison _hurts_. I still recovered quickly though. That, I was grateful for. Mia forced me to have a crutch though. My left leg was taking longer to heal properly; the poison seemed to concentrate there. I accepted the handicap. I didn't want my health to get in the way of my other, more pressing concerns.

Thanks to Mia's expertise, it took Kraden three days to open his eyes. During that time, I sat at his bedside, never leaving for anything else other than my usual needs. I would read tomes of mine that I've collected over our journey; I wanted to show him these books. A childish desire, but I felt like I needed to create ties to him anyway. Most of the time however, I would just talk.

I would whisper stories of the folklore that I have picked up while visiting villages and towns, relate tales of humor and jest (that mostly involved Garet and Sheba), and even revealed my own doubts and fears. When I ran out of stories to tell, I would make my own edits of the tales, to at least make things interesting. It was amateur work, but at least we were _both_ amused. I tried to think that he was listening to me, or at least, helping his recovery. Later, when I looked back at myself, I realized that talking to an unconscious Kraden wasn't the smartest move I've done.

Kraden was not entirely unconscious. He constantly mumbled to himself, some words I could not understand. Most of it came out in a jumbled mess, and some words were only said a few times. But, one word he constantly said, was _Babi_. He wanted to see him, speak with him. It dominated everything else. It sounded pained whenever he breathed anything about him, and my heart would sink just at the _sound _of his sadness. I knew of the man - Isaac and the rest of us have met him in Tolbi before. He was the one who raised Kraden... I didn't know what to make of it, yet. I did not understand how deep a devotion he held with the man, unless I asked him himself.

It wasn't as if I was the only one there with him. Everyone else frequently visited, especially Mia and Jenna. I doubt Kraden ever received this much attention since our groups united. They cared about Kraden, but never quite noticed him before, so, at the start of the entire fiasco, they talked to _me_ more than him. That too made me uncomfortable, but they eventually changed their focus on Kraden. Isaac and Felix especially. They would stay with him and me for half the day sometimes, and to them, I felt grateful. But Felix did not just come to keep an eye on Kraden, one time.

* * *

_Felix swept into the room, with that long scarf of his flapping quietly behind him, a comforting sound I always responded to. So much like Isaac's, I know - when I heard the flap of the scarf, I looked in that direction, expecting to see my close friend. Guess it's not him, I thought.  
_

_I knew it was coming the moment he hung his head in lengthy pondering as he gingerly sat next to me, as if the stool would collapse. However, he was rock steady. His hands were crossed over his lap, he did not look at me directly. My mouth went dry, and I searched his face for a signal of things to come. Anything but this.  
_

_"Ivan?"_

_I swallowed, not quite getting the sandpaper out of my mouth. He makes me nervous sometimes... But I had to say something to him. He still didn't meet my eyes.  
_

"_Felix..."_

_He got there before I did._

_"Ivan... Are you okay?"_

_"...Huh?" I was thrown off a bit by the direction of our conversation._

_"Your leg." He turned a little to me, indicating with a small nod to the leg in question. What a conversation starter._

_"Ah... Yes. That is, my leg will recover... soon."_

_He looked at me, maybe gauging my reaction. He could pass off as a doctor if he wanted to with that stare. Or rather, an interrogator. I smiled weakly._

_"You're afraid of me." Every word pronounced made an impact.  
_

_...What?_

_He took in my dumbfounded expression as that of being found out of a well-hidden secret. He continued looking at me, without a flicker of surprise in his face. Felix is very, very wrong.  
_

_"Y-you make me nervous, Felix. Not fearful." I heard the shock in my voice, shaking it just a tad._

_"Then why are you nervous?" He sounded much older now than I've ever heard him. A world-worn weariness shaped his face into that of a total stranger, more a stranger than he appeared to me. _

_I could not say anything right then and there. It's true that I was never afraid of him. Even with his cold demeanor and silence. Maybe his constant presence around Jenna conveyed another image of Felix in my mind - a shadow that sent the weak of heart scrambling for their dear mothers with his very gaze. He was a fierce opponent in battle, and as far as I know, never failed in combat. Isaac was like this too - solid and effective. But Felix made battle even more serious and somber, at least to me. Compared to that, I was a burden when I attempted to participate in battle, a pitiable excuse of a fighter.  
_

_I had to relate this to him. It's now, or never.  
_

_"Felix...you are more stronger than I will ever be. I always feel that I have to work harder, but you...!" I made a grandiose motion with my hands, "I set you as the standard... I worked even harder than ever, to maybe reach your level. Maybe then, you and everyone else would not be so... But, I was arrogant, thinking that just working harder would force you to see me differently. And it was all hopeless." I forced myself to break our visual contact, and looked at Kraden. "I'll never be a fighter like you, and everyone. The battle we had last proved it. I should not have tried to force my friendship on you, and everyone."_

_Felix tried to interrupt me, but I continued explaining. "I let my feelings get ahead of reason. And that's why I lost that battle. Even with my powers, even when I was angry enough to reach my limits, I was nearly killed." I looked into his eyes, trying to say something vitally important to him. "If my entire being went into my powers, and I still was knocked down, then what does that make of my past attempts at fighting? Even when I did my personal best, to please all of you, it was all for naught. What am I to do then, with myself?"_

_Tears threatened to spill, but I continued to keep that connection with Felix. He sat there, his face wooden and unmoving. For the first time, I was scared of him. Please... Please let him understand what I feel..._

_"... It's okay." _

_Felix reached his hand out to my shoulder, and gripped it gently. A small smile softened his gaze, another first for me. His hand felt surprisingly warm to the touch. My tears finally leaked out, dripping onto his leather glove like rain. I closed my eyes, unable to maintain my gaze, and sobbed silently into my hands, quivering. He understood...!_

_"If you feel that strongly... Then don't do anything. Even though you make mistakes all the time... You don't have to be ashamed of yourself for it. We don't want to see you hurt yourself anymore over something like this..."_

_I couldn't stop crying. I realized... That I've been waiting to hear that. All this time... the end... of a long journey._

_"... Thank... you..." And then I broke down.  
_

* * *

He stayed with me, talking to me, long after my crying dried up. Felix's acceptance, and even appreciation, was all I ever wanted... More than I ever deserved, but I do not feel that overwhelming guilt that plagued me ever since we left Contigo... For the first time, I truly felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe easier now, and life seemed ever sweeter. Of course, the feeling of guilt still followed me whenever a battle began, but I applied myself to other areas instead, to help my friends. My family.

Kraden stirred in his sleep, and that brought me back down to the present. He's gonna wake up...!

"Nn..."

He slowly opened one eye, the light in the room bothering him. Closing it again, he sighed. I leaned over, to see if he was alright.

"I had such a nice dream..." His tone whined a little, like a little kid's would.

"What sort of dream was it, Kraden?" I spoke. My eyes focused on his closed ones, where he frowned slightly. No wrinkles would ever make him look this young.

"Ah... I dreamed... That you died, Babi. All alone..."

My heart ached. Poor Kraden... I felt like a murderer, a criminal amongst criminals, as I slowly shook him out of his dream. I hoped he would forgive me. He scrunched his eyes together, truly waking up. To cruel reality. His eyes shone as he opened his eyes, looking into my own.

"...Ivan?"


End file.
